Take a Number

Why are some of our fellow humans such a waste of water, carbon, and gray matter? Why do these cum-sucking gutter-sluts and self-important nabiscos think that whenever they make a request that EVERYONE within earshot, emailreach, or the world for that matter drop everything they're doing and placate them? Why is it these ninnys end up being the middle-managers of the world? Do degree collectors really believe the whole of humanity wants to be micro-managed like a Steven Covey convention? These are the same numbnuts who think they can drive, order a $5 coffee, and talk on their mobiles at the same time. Ever see one of these dipshits try and navigate a roundabout or merge onto the Highway??

Fuck me, I want to gun them all down like toy army soldiers. Wanna Help?

freedom of speech has it's limitations

Everyone is so damn sensitive. I mean really.

Call a woman a bitch and she just looks at you. Whatever. But call her a cunt and you might as well forget about even trying to explain. It's over.

And then there's n-----. It's okay for blacks to throw the word around among each other. But God forbid someone of any other race use the word n-----. Apparently Michael Richards found out just what happens when you utter it to black people... in a crowded room... during a comedy routine. And they're the ones who started the shit anyway. Sheesh!

Insomnia

Why do grown adults...Wait...grown adults? You know any ungrown adults? Midgets maybe? Adults are full grown right? Ok I'm short, but does that make me ungrown? Whatever....back to regularly scheduled programing.

It's 3.5 hours till wall street opens. Just think of all the little 'a' american psycho's that are up preening for the new day.


idiots.

I hate god

Ya know god's little joke on guys is the morning hard-on right? Get up, try to pee and have to bend over like a Cirque du Soleil clown to hit the damn toilet...yeah keep laughing until you have to clean it up....

So do you know what the other one is? It's the post-cum bend/bullet.

It's a combo really.

1. If he was lazy enough to never get up/clean up after, he'll have a .26 caliber bullet to get rid of about an hour later. And if it don't come flying out of there behind the pressure of a midnight/morning pee, it'll create two ghostbuster streams of diaster. Hell if he's a moron he'll bend over to look at it wondering why his hose don't work and fucking spray all over the lid.

2. If he does get up, there'll be no bullet, just old softy aiming wherever it wants. Never straight down like normal. Him and his friend are all relaxed so he doesn't pay attention to anything but getting the seat up. Then WTF!? Why are we pointed ESE? Dammit now I gotta wipe down the scale. Hurry before she notices......

And you wonder why guys won't clean toilets? HELLO?

more fucking stoopid shit

The Myth of Bad Words

Twooo Doods....

I just remember a Richard Pryor Joke with him saying THE TWO DOODs.....

Ya know how people say "he's a brick short of a load"? Or a couple beers short of a six pack?

How about instead we start saying she's "Two Clowns short of a Circus"?

It's actually supposed to be a 'few' clowns short of a circus. But why a few? That makes no sense to me. Two gives it depth, the exact twoness; it's TWO clowns short of a circus, not a few clowns.

I mean really, a few? Fuck-a-few, how many is a few? Is she supposed to be really dumb or not so much dumb. Is the joke supposed to be really funny or not? Few is more than a couple and less than a gaggle, pick a number dumas! It's just not funny to me except with two.



And bonus points if you can point out the few irony...

Oh the Huge Manatee!!

Ok...there's one pun.....Now say Whale Oil Beef Hooked as fast as you can.




Are you fucked too?

Jesus!

This is too funny. Somebody (ok it's denZEL) calling Jimmy C. His almightyness in another motion picuture.

Here