I now get it.

You don't know what bottom is until you've waded around in it. When you weep for no reason, you're there. When you can't decide bed or bathtub, that's it. I'm not talking about sleeping or bathing you fuck.

When no amount of 20th century know how can fix it, it's over.

In reality, it's never that bad. Buck up bitch. If I am willing to defeat it, anyone can.

Yeah, it's fucking overwhelming. Give up. Find if you have anyone there to listen. If you do, you'll be fine; if not, I know a good gun dealer.

Depressed people piss me off. I actually used to listen to them. I was that person today. I lost it. The little boy who hid in a closet paid a visit. I did not know what to say. He looked great. I want his haircut. I'm just glad he wasn't disappointed. I've not done too bad. I'm still scared he'll come again. However, today he smiled. You have no idea what that means to me. (Yes I'm mixing tenses. Ever hear of poetic license?)

I'm lucky. Most aren't. I found out why I had the meltdown. I knew why beforehand and that's what's more sick, but not the point.

The headache I've had for 4 days will eventually go away. Some day I'll sleep well. At some point I might have to fuck with people in rehab...(don't send me, I'll have too much fun...if I give it all up, I'll just stop); but I see the signs.

Please let me be. I'm not doing that bad.

If anyone reads this and gets a clue, I've done one more service. Otherwise, fuck off and go type to someone who gives a shit.

In the event I do what I want to do, you'll never see this again.

EDIT: What I want to do is good, don't pick up the phone.