Thursday, September 20, 2007

Need Another Seven Astronauts

Remember when you chortled in hearing that? I think another one had to do with, "NO!!! I said Bud Light!!!"

I'm sick remember.

But really. NASA is a fucking joke. Didja hear? they're taking applications for astronaut school and anyone can apply. Very cool.

Maybe except I skipped engineering and flight skool. Though I do have a bachelor's degree. That's all you need to be a teacher.

According to the Hoyle group heading up what used to be the coolest space agency on the planet here are some of the requirements:

To be considered, a bachelor's degree in engineering, science or math and three years of relevant professional experience are required. Typically, successful applicants have significant qualifications in engineering or science, or extensive experience flying high-performance jet aircraft. Teaching experience, including work at the kindergarten through 12th grade level, is considered qualifying. Educators with the appropriate educational background are encouraged to apply.

Um...Since when do significantly qualified engineers and scientists need strapped on a firecracker with someone who teaches coloring technique and the alphabet to 5 year old children?

This is why we have issues getting to the moon.

I'm sure any People's Republic puppet can tell you teachers are better suited to teach government mandated testing than grow bean sprouts in low gravity......

Oh wait...that's only here on the left coast.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I'm a Dick

This was too good to pass up....

And yes the gif is too big. Sue me.

Your Score: House Greyjoy

63% Dominant, 36% Extroverted, 27% Trustworthy

Brutal. Opportunistic. Unforgiving. Rising again, harder and stronger, you are of House Greyjoy.

You are a dominant personality. Although you are neither the strongest nor the most cunning, you bend the weaknesses of others to your own advantage. Extremely opportunistic, you are the Wendy Pepper of Westeros, letting everyone fall over themselves and get tangled up before springing lightly over the pile of bodies. When others criticize you, you’re more likely to cut out their tongue than lend an ear. Your arrogance is hard-wired into you to such a degree that you barely recognize other human beings to be of your same species, let alone your equals.

You are also introverted, which means that nobody knows what the hell is going on inside your head. Spontaneous and extremely impulsive, your actions will always take people by surprise. As such, it’s unlikely that you have many friends or allies in the wide world; people just don’t find you trustworthy. And there’s a reason for that, too, which is...

You’re untrustworthy! You are opportunistic, greedy, stubborn, and more-than-willing to climb over anyone you must to get to the top. You are unwilling to compromise on anything, and instead of using strategy, you try to eliminate as many of the other players as possible. Let’s face it—by conventional moral standards, you’re just not a very admirable person. Perhaps if you stopped laughing when people cut their fingers off at your dinner parties...?

Representative characters include: Aeron Greyjoy, Asha Greyjoy, and Victarion Greyjoy

Similar Houses: Baratheon, Frey, and Lannister

Opposite House: Tully

When playing the game of thrones, you play it buck naked, flappin’ in the breeze.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

There is no such thing as.....

An ambiguous question. Only stupid people who can't read.

I was sent something entitled "Philosophy of Ambiguity"

Granted it's tongue-in-cheek as who in their left mind would study the vague, but I couldn't resist.

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
If you've never petted anything sweaty, you've not lived.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor....

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
I love this. Believing in the non-existence of Deities is still a belief! Making a cute sentence doesn't downplay anything.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Because we all evolved from cavemen you idiot.

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Remind me how this is ambiguous? Funny, not ambiguous.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if
she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
That's called apathy, not ambiguity.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Took 7 questions to find anything ambiguous. Closer to esoteric if you ask me.

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Silly, not confusing.

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage
Legally speaking, no. Try again.

10. Is there another word for synonym?
Alike? What the hell people.

11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
There are something like 350 National Parks. I'm sure there are choices.

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Check your compass and hope the local tribesmen don't catch you.

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Depending on the court's decision, uh, yes.

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
This is where I hold my hands over my face.<

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
A key never stopped me from peeing in the sink.

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
It's called Dead; or what I like to refer to as soup.

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Depends on their higher calling to the cause.

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Yes, Miranda is a bitch that way. He might not be talking but that don't make him deaf or stupid.

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
You've never pulled in backwards for you passenger? Hello?!

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people., not hazy here, move along.

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Guess we can't spell either as I certainly don't get alge in my fishbowl. Besides, that pink number she had on gave me a stiffy.

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
As long as you don't drop them.

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
Because it's fought mostly by CIVILians. Quit sleeping in class you retard.

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
No, only the nut job had the stoke. The other accomplished swimmers had no issue with standing in 5 feet of water.

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
1 or 2 cups?

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
You've succeeded in failing.

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
Many conditions play off the actual condition. Rickety Rickets?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
Does stupid hurt?

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
And I'm out every December shooting at winter...moron.

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Sour Cream, ha ha, it's called fungus.

33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
There is no such thing as an oriental man.

34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
Any fool can live in a flood plain and buy insurance.