Friday, March 02, 2007

Atta Boy!

If you're a woman with no boys/nephews/whatever....move along....just move along, you won't get it.....

Ever notice the fascination small boys have with public toilets? Do YOU know what I'm talking about? When mothers take their small boys to the store, mall, wherever, ever notice the boys always wanting to go to the bathroom. Not just to the bathroom, but to the potty by THEMSELVES!

The mummies get all proud at first. Little man might actually be taking a step forward today.

Yeah Right......

It's the only place in the entire world the boy can go that she has never been to; and unless she’s paid to cleans toilets, never will be. HE KNOWS IT!

It's like stepping off the back porch into an African jungle or onto the MOON for that matter because mom can't go with. He gets to think to himself:

"I don't care what Mommy says, I'm going to be standing UP."

"I sure hope I don't have to make a poop."

"Ooh this one has pink candy in it!"

"I wonder if that number on the wall is important?"

"There's a smelly man standing next to me going pee, but it's OK because what Mommy doesn’t know won't hurt me!"

"I don't care if Mommy says not to pull my pants down when I pee, I can't find my pepe if I don't."

"Where's the bowl of candy like in Mommy's bathroom? And how come there's no couch? I want to be comfy too."

"Speaking of candy, I'll have to ask Mommy for 50 cents next time. That green, rubber ring looks fun. I wonder why it says ribbed. Did God make it like Adam and Eve??"

"Daddy says men smell like men for a reason. I guess someday I'll know what that means but for now it smells like grandma's poop in here."

"Daddy also says I should have good aim. I figure why bother. The man in front of me didn't and jumping over was too far."

"I wish teacher would hurry up and help me read better. I'm going to be in here all day."

"I can fuck around for the next 10 minutes. Mommy might get mad, but you know what, she's not coming in! Mommy won't step foot in here."

Do you honestly think it takes a 7 year old boy TEN minutes to take a fucking leak? NOOOO. It doesn't take a 7 year old boy 10 minutes to make water, take a dump, and OVERLY wash his hands! What's he doing in there?

Fucking around.

Flushing the bowls.

Watching the waterfalls and whirlpools.

Wondering what the mat in the stand up pee thing is for.

Crank, Crank, Cranking the manual towel dispenser.

Overflowing the floor with the automatic towel dispenser.

Climbing on the sink. Wondering what the goop in the sink is.

Swinging from the 70's, linen towel, wrap around dispenser.

Using enough soap for an entire grease monkey crew.

Playing with the hot air turbines trying to get his mouth to flop open like on TV.

Flooding the sink, his pockets, the floor, wherever the water will seek out level!

Playing with the mop, the plumber's helper, whatever is lying around.

He's in there having the time of his life......Why?

Because Mom won't come in!