Wednesday, December 13, 2006

How to determine Homosexuality

Generally speaking my gaydar works damn well. Admit it, if you didn't know Doogie Howser was gay years ago, you're fooling yourself. But that's not my point here. When is it you see budding fudgepackers in their formative years? Would you see the signs? Tell you what, I'll give you a easy lay-up to understand.

The other day I happened into the video store to pick up some more movies to eye-patch. I ran into my good neighbor (We'll call him Bill). Bill just recently returned from a year stint in the sandbox of hell as he's been serving his country for the past 16 years. I like Bill. He feeds me beer when I cut our neighborhood's greenspace grass. Bill happened to have two children with him. They were NOT his. I came to find out they're his Wife's Friend's kids. She was away for a day and the Wife said Bill and her would take them but of course she went to work on him....

Bill asked me what the heck you do with a Boy, 10, and Girl, 7, to keep them entertained. He kind of had enough already with the hour just spent at the pisshole playland at McD's. I told him you're basically in the right spot. There's nothing better to keep kids entertained than movies. Ok video games work too. Luckily my 'lil miss loves to draw and color me pictures plus 'lil man digs his legos and capsela so it's not ALL electronic babysitting. Mine are about the same age so I knew where he was coming from.

Then from out of nowhere the boy comes up and says to Bill he's ready to go. I inquired as to what his choice was. "Guys and Dolls" from 1955. I'm like WHAT THE FUCK dood! I don't care if Brando and Sinatra are in it. Every drama club from here to Pontiac does that play and it's SOOOOO GAY. I give Bill the "um, what's with that" look. He rolled his eyes in agreement. I told future faggetti it was a little odd for a 10 year old boy to want to see that and he started in on how his auntie or cousin was just in the play and he HAD to see it again.

Yup. there's the confirmation. If it wasn't for the rosy cheeks and sweater vest to give it away....(BTW ever notice how many rosy-cheeked frat boys think a sweater vest and T-shirt is the shit?)....It wasn't he was forced to see it the first time but he wanted to see it AGAIN.

The young lad skittered off to find more movies and Bill mentions this kid does live with his mom and the dad is nowhere to be seen. YA THINK? Fuck around does she have him pissing while seated too? He came back with "Rikki-Tivvi-Tavi" in his hand. I said that was somewhat age inappropriate for him as well but let it go as it is a good flick and doesn't lend to the tossing salad types. I tried to get him to pick up something like "McLintock!" or "The Last Boy Scout" but he would have none of it. What young lad wouldn't benefit from seeing The Duke spank the heck out of Maureen O'Hara, oh and not to mention a young Stephanie Powers.....Yowzers! That'll take the gay right off.

As I reflected on the encounter later that day, I just couldn't get over the fact that the poor kid is growing up a gay pussy and it's all his mother fault. I guess it's one less pecker my boy has to compete with later :)

Take heed Moms, if you raise a pussy it's your own damn fault. I don't care how many cooking tips he'll give you. It doesn't outweigh the fact he'll want to marry a plumber.


Blogger Lisa said...

Heed taken! LOL

12/13/06, 12:36 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...


12/13/06, 1:20 PM  

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